Blind trust
by Alisu
Summary: She just wanted an ordinary life. Be left alone with her books and potions. But the war is unfair. Now it is over but some wounds never heal. How can her tutor help her when he had promised impossible.
1. Awakening

**A/N:** The chapters of this story propably won't be in chronological order. I'll try to keep it still clear as when thing happen and won't jump in time in the middle of the chapter (excluding some memories). Again I'll say that english isn't my first language so there may be some grammatical mistakes. All suggestions and critique is welcome. Nothing else to say really  
  
**Disclaimer:** These characters and places and everything else are not mine.   
  
**Awakening**  
  
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She woke up in the noices of someone talking around her. She didn't want to open her eyes because she knew she shouldn't be awake. She should be dead and that meant you didn't hear voices around you wondering if you were warm enought nor when you might awake. Propably she had moved a little because the voices came closer.  
  
"How are you my dear?" asked a voice she knew she should remember. It was kind and caring voice, motherly if you wanted to think so. "I should be dead" she whispered to the kind voice above her. She heard a little gasp before the voice asked "Now why would you say so? You are quite certainly alive." She squeezed her eyes shut and explained "I was promised I would get away. I shouldn't be here." "Don't be silly my dear. You are safe in Hogwarts and there's no one to harm you. Just open your eyes and see."  
  
She thought about what she had heard. The mentioning of "Horwarts" did bring back some memories. This kind voice was propably madam Pomfrey and she was in the hospital wing. But how? She opened her eyes but closed them soon after. "Why is it so dark in here?" she whispered in fear. That wasn't right. The hospital wing was always light because of the big windows. Even at nights there were lamps making it safer to walk around the beds. Now she couldn't see any light and she feared what it might mean.  
  
"What do you mean? The infirmary is light as day.." said that gentle voice and trailed off. Before it could continue there was a new voice, much darker but somehow soften than the motherly gentle voice. "I knew this might happen" was all it said. The voice came behind her head and before she could turn around there was touch on her shoulder and neck. A gentle hand that pushed her back to bed but at the same time was incredibly soothing. This touch she knew well.  
  
"You knew this could happen? What do you mean? What could happen?" said the first voice, now clearly irritated. "She's blind" that darker voice said bluntly. "Why?" she asked softly, fighting back the tears she felt in her eyes. "Why did you bring me back from there if that meant that..." Her voice broke into heart tearing sobs.   
  
"I had to get her away from there" the dark voice explained. "By making her look like dead and getting dark lord's aproval to bring the corpse back as a warning to the light was only way I could find. And on the time too. I was away when that Potter boy made his foolish stunt. His foolish stunt that rid us of from the dark lord forever. The whole place exploded afterwards and everyone inside perished. Would you have prefered us in there on that moment?" The dark voice asked coldly.  
  
"Unfortunately," it continued, "there is that side effect which I have never found out a way to take off." The sobs had died away and now she was angry. She was angry to this man who had taken away the love of her life. She loved potions but without an eye sight she could never again make them. Never again enjoy the feeling of perfect work.  
  
"Why did you bring me out of here? Why did you do it with the cost of my sight. I just asked you to let me die." she asked bitterly. The gentle voice didn't say anything. It let these two handle this conversation. IT could make it's accusations later, in a better place. Now it wanted to hear what this dark voice would answer.  
  
"As unbelievable as it may seem, I did this because I care about you." said the dark voice but it couldn't continue when she said "As if you care anyone. You know my life is potions and I can't make them anymore, how could I? You took everything from me.." it said before the sobs came back.  
  
"I know what potions mean to you. How could I not when they are my life as well. I wanted to spare you because I saw a great potential in you. I promise that I'll make you best potions master this school has ever had." After this was said the touch went away. She could hear footsteps going away and she was left alone. Left alone in the darkness without that soothing touch. But she considered those words. Maybe, just maybe it would be possible for her to make potions once more. With these thoughts she closed her eyes and went back to sleep. 


	2. Introductions

**A/N:** Again I'll say that english isn't my first language so there may be some grammatical mistakes. All suggestions and critique is welcome. Nothing else to say really  
  
**Disclaimer:** These characters and places and everything else are not mine.   
  
**Introductions  
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The Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardy was bustling with voices. It was the evening of the opening feast and all students up from the second year were in the great hall chatting with their friends. The words 'quidditch' and 'England' were heard. Some of them were waiting anxiously the sorting of their siblings or other friends.  
  
When professor McGonagal marched in with the first years in a line behind him everyone in the hall felt silent. There were about fourty of the new students, all of them looking quite scared. The sorting hat was placed on the stool on front of the house tables. After the song McGonagal took the roll of parchment and read the first name.  
  
The dark haired boy sat nervously on the stool and McGonagal placed the hat on his head. He was soon sorted to Ravenclaw and the sorting continued without disturbances. Some of the new students took more time than the others and a few of them were especially hard to place, at least by judging the time the hat took.   
  
After the sorting was over ans all the first years were sitting in their respective tables the Headmaster started the meal. First years gasped when the food appeared on their plates when the older students merely commented some of the dishes they were served. Bonds were created when some friends from the train were sorted in the same house. Bonds were also broken when two twins were sorted into different houses.   
  
After the feast the Headmaster started his annual speech. He mentioned quite many of things which were prohibited and then he told he had some introductions to make. "Like the older students may know, our last years defense against the dark arts teacher couldn't continue his work." To this some laughts were heard from the audience. That man had been unexpectedly incopetent and he had gotten himself quite strongly obliviated near the end of the term. The headmaster has muttered something about the Lockhart, or so the rumors told.  
  
"So this year you have an old acquaintance on that position" Older ones had their hopes up. All of their defense teachers hadn't been that bad and getting back for example Charlie Weasley would be nice. "I'm sure almost all of you know him." continued the headmaster. "The defense teacher on this year will be professor Snape." The great hall fell silent. No one had thought that the greasy git would teach any other subject than potions.  
  
It didn't take long when someone asked "But who will teach us potions if that gr.. I mean professor Snape has other subject to teach?" The headmaster chuckled to the almost slipped comment. "Good notice, mister Davids. And fear not, you have your potions teacher. Let me introduce you, miss Simons" The headmaster pointed to a young woman who had been sitting on the head table. The woman stood up and turned her head to look throught the hall. She smiled to all but didn't say anything. She sat back down when the clappering had subsided.   
  
They seemes to like her, which was good. That would make her job much easier. After all this was her first year teaching potions. She had practised as much as she could but there were certain difficulties which made the tings harder. Well, the previous potions teacher had promised to keep some lessons if they become too hard on her, and the headmaster had promised to try to find a new defence or potions teacher, if this wouldn't work at all. They had all been so kind to her all these years. She wondered had she done anything to deserve it. The dark voice had assured her that she had done more to him than he could ever repay but she didn't really know what that meant. Well, this was not time to worry.   
  
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**Response:  
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**_Snape rules_**, Thank you, I have corrected the errors you pointed out :) I'm surprised I didn't have more of them. And thank you about the review, the first one :) 


	3. Discovery

**A/N:** Again I'll say that english isn't my first language so there may be some grammatical mistakes. All suggestions and critique is welcome. Nothing else to say really  
  
**Disclaimer:** These characters and places and everything else are not mine.   
  
**Discovery**  
  
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She was staying at the Hogwarts hotpital wing. Madam Pomfrey had said it would be best, at least for a coupple of days. She had got an own little room in the private section. Suddenly she heard the door open. Probably someone was coming to greet her and tell her how sorry they were. It was nice and all but it started to feel somehow flat.  
  
Soon she knew who the newcomer was. Apparently her magic has started to adapt to her blindness and she could feel some little things. Not much really, at least yet, but this particular person she could sense from few feets away. She hadn't told it to him though.   
  
"Hello" his dark voice started. She didn't say anything so he continued, "I brought you something to read." For a moment she didn't know should she laught or cry. Without thinking she choose the latter. "How could you be so unthoughtful? This is your fault and you're just making fun of me!" she cried and pounded her little fists on his chest.  
  
If she could have seen she would have seen his face shading with the guilt. He hasn't forgiven himself what he had done to her and he admitted himself it was the main reason he was taking her helping and guiding as his personal task. There were some other reasons as well, which he didn't want to talk about, not that he wanted to talk about this one.   
  
He had put the book down on a table and was trying to soothe her. He took a gentle grip around her wrists and put her hands down. He then embraced her into a warm hug. She cried on his shoulder and the sobs dried away. More than anything it was this touch that made everything to feel better, to feel that everything would be alright. It wasn't surprising considering the situation she had been earlier.   
  
"I wasn't making fun of you" he whispered to her ear. "I was going to show you how you might be able to read again." He could feel how she tensed after hearing the last words. This was one thing she had thought she had lost forever and now he was saying it could be possible again. She didn't even notice when he guided her in the chair next to the table and sat himself opposing her. He hadn't let go of her hand even when sitting so she could know where he was without speaking. This was quite kind, even if unnecessary and among the other things made her think that he really cared.   
  
He positioned the book he had brought in front of her and her wand which he had grabbed from her nightstand near her hand telling her what she was doing. She took the offered wand and asked uncertainly what she should do with it. "I'm going to teach you a spell which I once saw in the library and thought it might be useful. I had already considered the situation I might be forced to use that particular potion on myself sometimes and..." His words had gradually faded out and he coughed before continuing, "Anyway, The spell is used on a book or a parchment, though I suppose it would work on any written material. Open the tittle page of that book I gave."  
  
She touched the cover of the book carefully, almost gently, and turned it open. She could feel the leather under her fingertips when she handled the book. She hadn't even noticed she had turned her face down as if looking the book. Old habits die hard as she had already noticed on these few days.She turned her face back to him as if to ask what to do next. He noticed this little detail but didn't say anything about it, instead he said, "The words are '_scriptum elevare_'. What would you quess it to do?" She thought a moment before answering "I suppose it has something to do with the raising of the text." She tried to keep her voice calm and professional even if she could feel her hands shaking a little bit from the excitement.  
  
"Exactly, the hand movement goes something like this," he said and moved her hand in a slow motion, "and I'm sure you are able to master that quite quickly. Now try that spell on that book." She pronounced the words and tapped the book with the tip of his wand, as he had shown. As expected, she did it right at the first time trying. She just had the gift of learning things quickly. She heard a faint noice of cracking and when she touched the page of the book again she could feel some line under her fingertips.  
  
She frantically leafed throught a few pages, they were all covered with those line she could feel by her fingers. "The spell works throught ten to twelve pages, from the page you have open when you cast that spell, and it wears of after about half an hour," he said watching her smile, but then that smile faded. "How can I understand this writing? I know this is handwriting but I don't really know how to read it by touching?" she asked and her tears were almost coming back. He took her hands in one hand and with the other he turned the book back to its tittle page. "Try to trace these letters. This is the tittle page and they are bigger that normal text." He pointed her indexfinger on the starting point of the first letter.   
  
He traced the thin line with her finger. First it went upwards, then it turned down, then up again and down again. "This is 'M', right?" she asked and hi said softly 'yes'. The next one was quite round but when she had found the right starting point and followed the line she quessed it would be 'a'. The next one had quite much lines but partly quessing the first word already she choose 'g' and was right once again and 'i' and 'c' were quite easy. The next 'a' she knew already and 'l' was also quite easy so she had the first word, 'Magical'. Of course she knew many book names which started by that word but she had some expectations already. He watched this smiling lightly. She looked like a little kid solving some interesting puzzle and was smiling, really smiling. It was the first time in a long time he saw that.  
  
She traced her finger right before she found the next word and the first letter which was almost circle but it had some corners making it 'D' and when the next one was 'r' she asked "Isn't this _Magical Drafts and Potions_, our first potions book?" "Yes it is." he answered. "I suppose you know it by heart already so it would be easier to practise the reading of those raised letters. I hope that this could help you." He didn't have time to say more because she had almost jumped up from her chair and came to hug her smiling widely. There were some little tears in her eyes but now they were there for her joy. He didn't have time to wonder how she had known his exact position when she told her how crateful she was and how this had made her days brighter and how she believed now that she might have some future.  
  
If someone of his students had seen him know they wouldn't have recognized him for his wide smile. He was happy to her, happy that he had been able to help her at least some way. It didn't still take the guilt away and he left her soon after that burst of joy. She took the book with her to her bed and sat crosslegged with the book on his lap. He had been right, she knew this book by heart and now she started to trace the other pages, trying to decipher the thin lines of the script.Of course the handwriting of every wizard was different but with this she got a good start and she could continue with her other first grade schoolbooks until advancind on harder ones.   
  
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'_scriptum elevare_' - raise script as should be clear from the context  
  
**_procyonblack_**, thanks from the review and yes, Snape is not evil.  
  
**Question:** I was thinking of writing the chapter about the happenings before the first chapter and it might go quite cruel, I'm not going to be quite graphic about it but should I change the rating then, just in case? 


	4. Learning

**A/N:** Again I'll say that English isn't my first language so there may be some grammatical mistakes. All suggestions and critique is welcome. Nothing else to say really  
  
**Disclaimer:** These characters and places and everything else are not mine.   
  
**Learning**  
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She woke again startled by the darkness she met hen opening her eyes before she remembered. She was blind and there was nothing she could do to it. She decided to try to get some information from her surroundings with her other senses.  
  
Listening didn't bring much results as the only thing she could hear were the faint footsteps maybe in another room. The scent of the place she was in was somehow clean and there were a hint of the smell of different healing potions mixed in. That wasn't surprising as she knew already that she was in the hospital wing of Hogwarts.   
  
When there were no one near her she decided to move a little more. She touched the sheets around her and tried to analyse how much information she could get of them. They felt soft and warm and fabric like. Not much but she would learn to identify things by touch, she decided. After that she reached her hand behind her head to touch the cold metal of the bed frame when she felt it.  
  
There was some kind of nudging feeling coming from her right side. She couldn't quite place it or tell what the feeling was but as she was curious she carefully reached her hand in the direction where the feeling came. The first thing her hand met was hard, probably wooden surface which she assumed to be a bedside table.   
  
The feeling had come a little bit stronger when she found the table and she traced her hand on the surface. The first thing she found was a glass of water and she was careful not to push it too hard when she moved it away. A little bit further was some object and when she touched it she immediately knew it was her wand. And it had been the source of that strange feeling which she noticed when touching her wand. She couldn't consider that more when the dark voice asked, "What are you going to do with that?" She had been so concentrated to tracing that feeling that she hadn't noticed quiet footsteps closing in on her bed.  
  
She startled when hearing the voice and clutched her wand stronger when reaching her other hand in the direction of the voice. The dark haired man took the offered hand and sat on the side of the bed. With his other hand he brushed some loose hair out of her face and when she didn't answer his question he asked again, "What are you going to do with your wand?" She was taken completely by surprise. His voice was so dark and harsh and still his touch on her face had been so gentle. "I.. I didn't really try to find it," she managed to answer after recovering from the shock. "I just felt something weird... And when I tried to find out what it was I found my wand..."  
  
"Would you like me to place it for you to find again?" the dark voice asked. She was curious as to why he seemed to take this as something normal. She didn't have time to ask when he told to her, "It is common that witches and wizards can sense magic, even if the sense is so faint that they usually don't even notice it. Now that you have lost one of your main senses your sense of magic grows stronger as does your other senses as well. While you can sense everything magical some of the things are easier than the others and your wand has a special bound with you. It's naturally the first thing you would sense."  
  
She was speechless when she listened that explanation and when it ended she noticed firm footsteps coming closer. "How are we doing today?" asked the cheerful voice of madam Pomfrey. She heard some odd clinking and got the explanation when madam Pomfrey continued, "I suppose you're hungry. After all you haven't eaten in a few days. I brought you some chicken broth. You should eat it all." She felt some weight descending on her lap and with trying with her hands she could tell it was a bed tray with a warm bowl.  
  
The spoon was already in the bowl and when she tried to take it she spilled some of the food on the tray and on her hand. Small tears escaped her eyes when she realised that she couldn't even eat without help. "Should I help yo..." started the voice of madam Pomfrey when the dark voice cut in "I can help her." She couldn't see the surprised look madam Pomfrey gave to him before saying, "Oh, ok, Watch that she eats it all." Then she could hear her walking away.   
  
"You want to feed me just like I was a baby." she said bitterly. "No, I won't feed you, like she would have done," he said meaning madam Pomfrey and continued, "I'll help you eat by yourself." With saying this he used some spell to clean the spilled food away. She could feel a little prickling on her skin where the spell hit it and supposed it was the magic she could sense. After that he took the spoon out of the bowl in his other hand and her right hand to the other, and placed the spoon carefully in her hand. Then he placed her other hand on the rim of the bowl. "With this you can tell where the bowl is," he explained and directed her spoon holding hand so the spoon touched the food.  
  
She could feel when the spoon touched the surface of the broth and she carefully tilted the spoon to fill it. When she lifted it from the bowl he told her that she had succeeded and had now a spoonful of chicken broth. She was happy she had mastered it on the first try and put the spoon iu her mouth.  
  
At least she tried. She had forgot that she didn't really know how long the spoon was and maged to trip the content of it all over her. That was so humiliating that she just cried. She waited for her helper to laught for her miserable failure but that didn't happen. First he used the same spell as before to clean the mess and then he wiped the tears away from her face with his gentle fingers while muttering soothingly. "You did great," he said and, "No one can master that on a first try."  
  
After her tears had dried he said, "Now let's try that again. You really should eat something." That was true. She hadn't eat anything in a few days and barely anything in a last coupple of months. He had given her some nutritious potions though. "Can't I have bread or something? That I couldn't spill over me," she asked bitterly. "It's better for your health to eat this first," said the dark voice.   
  
He asked her to try the right distance with an empty spoon and with a few tries she managed to put it in her mouth. Then she tried it with food, very carefully and slowly. He was helping her all the time giviing instructions and warning if she tried to make too quick movements. After a few moments she had eaten it all. After giving her hands a reassuriug squeeze he said he'll take the tray away and she could feel the weight lifting from her bed. Then he was gone.  
  
It hurt him to see her in that condition, especially when he knew it was his fault. He tried to tell himself he couldn't have done anything else but that wasn't really true. He could have waited the Potter boy coming to take care of the Dark Lord and could have taken them both away under the chaos before the explosion. Of course he hadn't known that Potter was coming. As it was common to him he hadn't told anyone what he was going to do. But she had asked him to let her die, to give her something that would take her away. And he hadn't given her that, instead he had taken her back knowing what it would cost to her.  
  
He hated to see madam Pomfrey to baby her, like she couldn't do anything by herself. She could, and would take care of herself and he would help her to learn how to do that. He owned it to her, especially when she had given him so much and he had just taken away everything from her. And he hated himself for that but it wasn't new, there were plenty of reasons for that already. Now he had at least a purpose for his life, which he hadn't thought he would have after the death of the Dark Lord. He placed the tray on a table where he knew madam Pomfrey would take care of it and went to speak with professor Dumbledore.  
  
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**_procyonblack_**, thanks from the review again, more so because you gave it before this story was even on the list of fanfictions :) And thank you for your opinion. I was trying to write some Snape angst here but I turned to write quite much about her.  
  
**Question:** I'd have to name her sooner or later. She has already the name miss Simons but needs the first name. I don't guarantee I'll use your suggestion but I really need some ideas. 


	5. Suffering

**A/N:** Again I'll say that English isn't my first language so there may be some grammatical mistakes. All suggestions and critique is welcome. This chapter turned out to be more shorter than I initially thought but I hope it doesn't matter. Also I have to change the raiting for this has some things I'm not sure belongs to the 'G'. Now I have got almost all the critical chapters up, which I originally thought so if you would like to know more from some point of time tell me and I'll see what I can do.   
  
**Disclaimer:** These characters and places and everything else are not mine.   
  
**Suffering**  
  
"Get off your cloths woman, and go to my bed!" he ordered with a harsh voice. "B-but sir," she tried to ask with a stuttering voice. "And be quite, unless you're asked something. Now go!" Snape continued. She couldn't believe what she heard. She had always believed Snape would be different but now she was cruelly proved wrong. She was shivering on the floor from suffering too many cruciatus and other kind of torturing. She was on the spot where Snape had practically thrown her and was hardly able to move. When nothing happened Snape came to slap her on her face, not too hard she noticed but then again, he probably didn't want to break his little plaything, she thought bitterly.  
  
"Didn't you hear what I said or are you just too arrogant to comply?" he asked and pushed her in his bedroom. "Now take off those cloths or do I have to tear them off? I'll inform you they are the only ones you'd get." He said eyeing her evilly. She didn't know what to think anymore and started to open her already torn robes with numb fingers. When she had dropped that off she watched his face waiting to see a hungry look. Wen she saw just some weariness she couldn't understand anymore. Obviously she was given to him as his personal pleasure and obviously he was going to use her as such, so why this weary look. Or was this just so usual to him that he didn't care. She thought it would be better not to think of it and continued the undressing as quick as she could with her stuttering hands and aching muscles. When she slowed down too much he made a move with his leg as to kick her, which made her going.  
  
When she was down to her underwear and was going to open the lock of the bra, he pulled her up from her wrist and pushed her in the direction of the bed. She managed to climb on the black satin sheets and shivered there waiting what would come. Her bruised and wounded body made made a strict contrast with the darkness of the bed. She didn't see where Snape had come, probably undressing himself. She almost thought of escaping but quickly realised that in the castle full of death-eaters it would be hard, and in her condition impossible. After a while he came back and to her surprise, in a decent black nightclothes. He dimmed the lights of the bedroom to almost nothing, and when he climbed in the bed she retreated as far as she could on the other side of the huge bed.  
  
"Come here," he snarled and reached her wrist from which he pulled her on the middle of the bed. "Don't try my patience or you'll be sorry, "he continued and put something from his other hand on the self which was on the wall behind the bed. She admitted her defeat and lied still when he moved his hand along her body. She was surprised though that he seamed to be much more interested of her injuries than of the more private parts of her. Before she could say anything, even if she had dared to say something, he bent his head down near her ear and whispered, "And now I would like you to scream my little bird, then you can be as quiet as you want" She was too surprised to react and he whispered again, "do it or I'll give you a reason to scream." This was somehow more horrific than anything he could have done to her and an heartbreaking scream escaped from her. The dark voice of Snape commanded, "be quiet woman, what did I say about speaking?" She didn't know what to think of this but quit the scream instantly.  
  
"Nice scream," he continued whispering in her ear. "Now you let me do whatever I wish and you obey me completely, is that clear?" He could see the fear on her face even in this dim light and said, "I'm not going to hurt you, at least not more than is necessary." This didn't calm her much but some of the fear disappeared from her face. He took the object from the self and when opening it, she recognised it to be a little jar of something, before he said a word which took the light totally off. Then she could only feel the cooling and soothing touch on one of her more aching bruise on her left arm. She guessed there were probably some kind of healing salve in that jar which he was now applying on her. The treatment continued some time and after a while he gently nudged her to turn her back up. She complied without thinking and he treated the wounds on her back too.  
  
When ready, he put the jar back to the self and lied down beside her. She turned her face towards him and was almost asking what this all meant when he pressed his finger on her lips. "Don't speak," he whispered to her ear. "I have commanded you to be quiet and even if it may sound harsh I really meant it. I want to save you and that means we are both in danger. I can't just instantly take you away from here but I try to keep you away from the others. That's why I try to keep up the image that I make you suffer so I have to be quite cruel to you sometimes. You just have to bear with it and trust me and remember to remain silent, always." All this was said in quiet whisper and when it wasn't practically nice it was a little bit reassuring. Maybe he could pull her through this all and maybe she could get out of here and all she had know was that crazy blind trust to her former teacher.  
  
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No reviews? Well, I don't like the demands for reviews on some fanfics but I have to admit it's lot easier to write the next chapter if I know that someone even cares to read it. And I'm still missing the name for her :) So, I hope I get the next chapter up in a decent time, it took much too much time to write this one. 


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